Hating on Facebook

Facebook has entered its “Empire Strikes Back” phase, which is of course a Star Wars reference to the fact that Facebook is on the downfall. Facebook being the Empire…Empire, downfall, Star Wars, you get it. Just get it.

We are all beginning to realize just how much we hate Facebook. It started out fucking fantastic, but has become something that combines a bunch of great concepts and as a result, results to nothing.

Connecting with friends, that’s how it all started, and for some reason or another Facebook timeline thinks I care about Josh B., the kid from camp who wouldn’t take a shower, more than my bffae, Harrison (shoutout to da whole crew, could only use one name, aight fuck it fine, shoutout to sigma epsilon chi, SEX, heart you guys). It’s like the facebook timeline algorithm just doesn’t even exist. But even better, to replace the whole connecting with people you care about, get a Twitter! Where you literally follow the people you care about, and hey you might even get a reply from the screenwriter/show runner of “Lost”. Exhibit A. 

Status Updates, these things are jokes in the first place. Honestly I laugh at anyone who makes a “serious” status update, I’m sorry but it’s just weird. But Jonah, you post links to not-that-funny videos and shit, yeah I do, but I don’t care, and I’m not stating any kind of personal opinion, I’m just using the 2,000+ random people to get them to watch the videos. My real problem with status updates is when the Facebook status turns into some kind of weird “Flight Booked to…Antartica” or “Flight Booked to Jupiter’s second moon, Europa” Listen Carrie S., I really don’t think anyone needs to know you booked your spring break flight to Cancun. Honestly though, since this is such a thing, maybe there should be a website dedicated to stating Where your most recent flight is booked, and where you are? Four Square, but for dogs.

And since when is everyone a New York Times Movie Critic? (I guess when you’re in Film School) But do we really need to post our “top 10 lists” when 90% of the time they are all the exact same…Congrats on identifying the “best” films of the year, you and every other film festival out there should get a prize. Except you Aneesh, you’ve been doing it a while, and you my homie.

The one good thing that facebook did offer were pictures. Pictures were great because you could substitute your porn site of choice with a picture of Shannon, the hot girl from camp that gave Steven a HJ under the blankets at the final camp bond fire. But, Instagram happend, and instagram is the real deal without all the b.s.

Instagram is great for many reasons. Selfless are acceptable, if not encouraged. It’s 83% pictures of Labradors, and not cats. Fuck cats. And it’s show don’t tell. No words needed, just plain and simple visual storytelling. I realize Facebook bought Instagram but it seems like all they did was semi-copy the look and feel to the mobile app. New Years goal, stop using facebook, unless to post a video, or to check out Sammy T.’s new Cabo pics.


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