I lost my virginity three times.
Get it? It’s funny cause it’s not possible, but hey, anything is possible in Cabo. Speaking of Cabo, it’s fucking god damn Cabo season holy shit 2 days, what is this some kind of sick practical joke? Cabo is fucking great, but jesus dude why are you going back their you’ve been two times before and come back with some kind of Mexican flu that translates to the Crazy Lizard. What?
Anyway, why is this Cabo trip more significant than other Cabos? Because, as a senior, this is truely the last time in my life, in our lives, that we have 5 days with zero to -3 obligations. No job, no wives, no 10 year old kid who wants a PS3 but doesn’t really know that X-Box is the way to go so you don’t get him a X-Box, so he starts crying but you don’t feel bad because he’s spoiled and doesn’t need video games, just a good book to read and a girlfriend.
For those new to Cabo there are three things..Mango Deck, Nap, Squid Roe.
Mango Deck is sick. It’s like all that shit you’ve seen on MTV spring break. It’s a massive day party with some weird ass dude with microphone screaming “CABO SAN LUCAS, ARE YOU FUCKING READY? OKAY! LET’S GO!” Over and over and over… It’s dope tho. It’s almost impossible to recognize a friend from a girl you used to hu with causally in the AEPi quad. Rosenthal.
You can get a table too, which is dope. For table service hookup hit up King of NYC and Barcelona, Sir King Farage IV – he runs most of the Northern Hemisphere.
Make sure you roll in with Bryce or Connor, those dudes know how to navigate through crowds, and hookup with 9.5s on a consistant level. They’re sick AND dope.
Ai se tu pego.
Dits shits literally the 9-0 on steroids. Three layers of fucking sloppyness, and in the center of it all, the same dude with a mic from Mango Deck? Or is it a different dude? We should find out.
Once you’re there, and hopefully you arrive a solid 12/10, then make your way to the second floor, or the sides, and try dancing with Alexis, she’s kinda a bitch tho and will give you a weird look and say “she needs to GO FIND HER FREINDS” yeah I didn’t forget about you, Alexis, but I will, when I’m famous, and have a labrador retriever puppy farm, and you won’t be invited . Suck it.
The thing is, this might sound morally wrong, or damaging to your body. But the drunker you are, the more fun you will have. It’s simple math. Ask Bryce. He knows. He’s Bryce.
- Don’t be a bitch
- Seriously, just drink, stop being a bitch, Trevor.
- Hook up with Lindsay at Mango Deck
- Be a dick to Lindsay that night at Squid Roe though
- Don’t listen to you’re friend Bryce, he’s dumb
- Dude, i’m fucking with you, what Bryce say, you do.
- No bathing suits below the upper-thigh. What is this, 2012?
- Act like you don’t know anyones name
- No high fives, only chug races
- Make out, pass out, vommit, make out again, pass out again.